mental health awareness: information, the signs I missed, & how I cope with losing a loved one to suicide.

mental health awareness: information, the signs I missed, & how I cope with losing a loved one to suicide.

 Hello ! How are you ? I hope your day is going well!!! Life is wild! Literally. But listen if you’re not feeling well or if you’re feeling hopeless or unloved reach out to a friend or family. Share with them how you are feeling. If you feel like you don’t have anybody,
e-mail me:
or call the national suicide prevention lifeline at 1-800-273-8255

Mental health awareness.

Suicide is the farthest thing from selfish. Many people who take their lives are constantly putting the needs of others before their own. In that state of mind, it’s almost what you’d consider the only act of “self love” left that you believe you can do to end the pain. It’s a last resort. 

When it comes to suicide prevention, the most powerful thing we can do is check in. With loved ones, with strangers, with ourselves. If you notice something is off trust your gut feeling and see if you can guide them to the help they need. At the end of the day we can’t always save people, but we can always do our best and love them. 

To those who have lost a loved one to suicide..

If you reached out your hand to somebody drowning in internalized tears, you have done enough. People must grab your hand and ultimately save themselves. You can really only do so much. If you can’t fight the feeling that you could of done more, forgive yourself. This wisdom is necessary to move forward and shine your light even brighter in the dark world of somebody who needs it. 

For those who feel like they missed the signs, or maybe left off on terms that make you sad to think about… you can only meet people where you are. Forgive & remind yourself that the best apology to yourself is changed behavior. Allow this to ground you, grow you. Build new patterns and focus on moving with more kindness and awareness of those around you as well as yourself. Self love is the strongest root of all love. 

How I cope:

I lost my dad to suicide 6 years ago today. His death and the whole situation didn’t really hit me until a little while later. I was in denial and also filling the void with toxic habits. When I came into my truth I began to feel the heaviness in my heart. The overwhelming guilt in the pit of my stomach. For me I’ve learned to allow myself to feel these things. And how important it is to have at least 1 person who really is just there for you when you need them. Losing a parent isn’t something you completely heal from but you learn to stop picking at the wound so much. And you learn to allow your heart to bleed when it needs to. I’ve found that by making choices that make myself proud and are self-love based rather than destructive or fear based , it seems as though I feel the energy of my dad’s smile + happiness. As well as my own. I talk to him and when I ask for a sign or a visit I often get 1 or he appears in dreams that feel, sound, taste, smell and seem extraordinarily life-like. It’s important to remind yourself that your life is not over, and you must keep living and find strength and purpose within the pain and wisdom that’s been attained. 

The signs I missed:

  1. He was drinking more often towards the end. Not enough to be considered an alcoholic or even a problem, but still more than usual. It was a change in behavior that could be questionable. 
  2. He told me he had a dream that he died and what the after life was like. This could definitely of been an innocent conversation, but now I know it’s noteworthy. It can mean they’ve been thinking about death often.
  3. He came into my room one day and was more emotional than usual but I didn’t think much of it. He kept apologizing for not being the “best dad.” (when in reality I couldn’t of asked for a better 1). I told him he was a great dad and just left it at that. I didn’t see how much of guilt trip he was actually on. The self-blame he was feeling for the family issues in our home was deeper than I thought to of noticed. 
  4. Not too long before he passed, He asked me if I wanted to spend the day with him in NYC one day soon. I told him I’d let him know and he said okay but it’s important I really want to spend time with you. This can be a red flag that is soooo easy to miss! Especially since it’s normal for parents to want to spend time with their kids. But if it seems more vital than usual just be aware.
  5. The easiest sign to miss is no sign. That is why it is extremely important to be as kind and as aware of our actions towards people as we possibly can. Nobody is perfect and we all have our days, but do your best to follow up and check in, especially on your happiest friends/loved ones.

The last hour looks like a smile on the face.

A winter chill amidst the sun, escaping summer’s grace. 

The coldest bones feel like the warmest touch upon your skin.

A cry for help disguised as the darkest sin. 


Relax in the sweetest paradise daddy❤️